


diamonds for glass

by statusquo_ergo



Series: nostalgia for heretics [2]
Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 14:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19792759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/statusquo_ergo/pseuds/statusquo_ergo
Summary: This is what we get for living our lives the way we want.





	diamonds for glass

**Author's Note:**

> Suits Bingo prompt: Countryside

The surface of the water ripples from time to time, a taut silk sheet pulled loose at the seams by little bursts of wind that do and don’t make it all the way past the dock, over the low stone wall and up the hill. Actually, it’s not a hill so much as a gradual curving of the earth, a backyard on an angle where Mike sits in the grass and watches the edges of the forest’s dark reflection oscillate in and out of focus and thinks that this is exactly the sort of place he might like to run away to, one of these days.

It was good of Harvey to bring him here, to this place where they can take refuge from the world, where they can pretend that no one else has noticed all the mistakes they’ve made, that no one is waiting to catch them out, to beat them at their own game. The consequences haven’t started coming yet, but they will; every day that passes by brings them closer and closer, drawing a little more air out of his lungs. The exact date of their mutual destruction is still uncertain, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t make much difference.

It was kind of Harvey to bring him to this place, this lovely little house so different from everything he’s used to, everything that weighs him down from day to day. Mike sits in the grass and watches the stillness of the lake come and go, and he listens to the loons crying out in the early morning light and holds himself still in the ephemeral silence that falls in between, and he thinks that maybe, maybe, somehow, if he wishes hard enough, everything will turn out alright.

The screen door creaks as it opens, years of exposure to the elements warping the wood and peeling the white paint around the edges, and it’s hard not to think of it as some kind of metaphor.

“Can’t sleep?”

Mike takes a deep breath, the lingering residue of last night’s rain filling up his lungs, and closes his eyes.

“Nah.”

Harvey zips his fleece and sighs.

The wind ripples across the water, little burbles Mike can hear if he listens very carefully, and this wouldn’t be the worst place in the world to spend the rest of his life. Harvey sucks in air like he’s about to start talking, but there’s not much point to it anymore and he knows better than to bother; after a minute, an owl offers a feeble hoot, the last apathetic efforts of a weary predator as dawn fades into daylight, and Mike lies down on his back and sinks into the earth.

This is the time for introspection. This is the time for regret and repentance, this is the part where he remembers all the damage he’s done, all the suffering other people have had to go through for him, because of him, in spite of him. This is the part where he remembers the taste of blood in his mouth and asks himself if he could go back in time, if he knew then all that he knows now, what he would do differently, or maybe what he wouldn’t do at all.

This is the part where the morning dew seeps into his skin, where the grass itches his neck and stains the back of his shirt and the sun shines down on his face and he can’t think of anything in the world he’d rather be doing with his life than just this.

“I guess it all balances out,” Harvey says, rocking back on his heels and looking out over the water toward the other side of the lake, the trees on the distant shore spilling their silhouettes out into reflection.

“Maybe for you,” Mike says, filler words that don’t have any real meaning but help everything to feel a little more normal and a little less strange. Harvey laughs softly, sighing and kneeling down in the grass as Mike opens his eyes and reaches out his hand for him to hold.

So where, exactly, do you think we’d be right now if we weren’t here? If I had never, if you had never. If this hadn’t happened, or that other one. If we hadn’t done those stupid things we did.

“I’m sorry,” Harvey murmurs, looking out over the water. Mike brings their clasped hands to his lips and doesn’t speak.

They could do it. They could stay here, they could run away; they could lock themselves inside and never come out, never go back. Never live it down. They could erase their lives as they are, as they were, and shape new selves to inhabit, new façades to hide behind. They could cut themselves off from everything they know and everyone they’ve ever loved and they could get out of all of it.

They could do it, too, but not really.

Mike closes his eyes again and opens them so slow that for a second there, he makes himself dizzy, except then the world comes back into focus and there’s nothing left to worry about.

“I’ve never seen a sky look quite so blue,” he says. “Have you?”

Harvey looks up as though he hasn’t been staring at it for hours, as though he’s seeing it now for the very first time in the history of ever. Maybe there’s something there now that he missed before, something he wouldn’t have noticed if it hadn’t been pointed out to him; maybe there’s something special about the sky today, something magical, something that’s never been there before and might never be there again.

Well, maybe.

The thready clouds have begun to evaporate under the rising sun, floating wisps thinner than before; Harvey lies down and watches them skate across the sky that’s never looked quite so blue, that might never look so blue ever again.

“I’d do it all again.”

Harvey turns his head and smiles a little smile as the grass tucks under his ear and cushions his cheekbone against the dirt.

“I guess I would, too.”

Mike smiles back, and maybe it won’t be so bad, the way things end up.

It might, though. It probably will.

Well, okay.

Okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to say hi on [tumblr](https://statusquoergo.tumblr.com)!


End file.
